Wedding FAQ
Engagement
Does a woman's ring have to be a diamond? Does it have to be expensive?
Should the man pick out the ring by himself, or together with his prospective fiancee?
What about engagement rings for men?
Is it necessary to have a ring in order to propose?
Is a ring necessary at all?
Attendants
When should I choose my attendants?
Do I have to choose one attendant to be my honor attendant?
How many attendants do I need?
Is it necessary to have equal numbers of groomsmen and bridesmaids?
What roles can people who are not attendants play?
Wedding Attire
What are my options for an inexpensive wedding dress?
Should the groom wear something different from the groomsmen?
Do the bridesmaids all have to wear the same dress?
Invitations
What is the most proper way to have my invitations done?
Is it OK to send invitations to someone "and Guest"?
Photography and Video
Do I have to hire a professional photographer?
Should I have disposable cameras on the tables?
Should I have a wedding video made?
Should I hire a professional videographer?
Service Professionals
Do service professionals need to be fed?
Showers
Who can host a shower?
If the people at work give me a shower, do I have to invite them to the wedding?
What are some possible shower themes?
The Rehearsal Dinner
What kind of rehearsal dinner is acceptable?
Who is invited to the rehearsal dinner?
Who hosts the rehearsal dinner?
Registering for gifts
Should I register for gifts?
What should I register for?
Officiants
Who can perform a wedding?
Engagement
Does a woman's ring have to be a diamond? Does it have to be expensive?
No. Many women prefer colored stones, such as sapphires, rubies, and emeralds. Colored stones can be set by themselves or with diamonds.
A woman's engagement ring can be as expensive or inexpensive as is appropriate to the finances and wishes of the couple. Some couples elect to have a diamond-like substitute, such as a cubic zirconia. This is not inappropriate, and there is no reason why this choice should need to be public knowledge.
Should the man pick out the ring by himself, or together with his prospective fiancee?
A man should endeavor to find out what his prospective fiancée prefers that he do. Some women want very much to be surprised with a ring; others feel very strongly that they wish to select their own ring.
If you would like to surprise your fiancée with a ring, but also want to take her wishes into account try to go shopping with her casually, to get an idea of what she likes, but make the final decision on your own. And, make an agreement with the jeweler that you can return the ring you chose at full value for another ring if your fiancée wants to choose something else.
What about engagement rings for men?
There are a number of options for engagement rings for men. 1) He can wear his wedding ring on his other hand until the wedding; 2) He can have a man's ring with a stone, which he might wear on his other hand after the wedding if it wouldn't fit together with his wedding band and 3) Both the man and the woman can have matching engagement/wedding ring sets.
Is it necessary to have a ring in order to propose?
Only if your prospective fiancée expects you to have one.If you wish to have one, but cannot afford it, you might select an inexpensive ring or locket as a token.
Is a ring necessary at all?
No. It is not necessary to have an engagement ring in order to be engaged. If you choose not to have an engagement ring, you may want to exchange other engagement gifts or tokens. Some couples exchange earrings or necklaces; others exchange gifts that are not jewelry.
Attendants
When should I choose my attendants?
It is generally not a good idea to select attendants more than a year before the wedding, because who is close to you will probably change over time.
Do I have to choose one attendant to be my honor attendant?
No. If you care for all of the friends you've asked to stand up for you equally, there is no need to choose. You can simply divide the duties among all of them.
How many attendants do I need?
This is entirely up to you, though you may want to take into account the traditions in your area. You can have none, one, six...whatever seems suitable. That said, the number of attendants does tend to increase with the formality and size of the wedding, so that some people will probably think it a bit silly to have six bridesmaids when there are only 50 guests in an afternoon garden wedding.
Is it necessary to have equal numbers of groomsmen and bridesmaids?
No. It is OK to have ushers who are not groomsmen, in that they do not stand up with the groomsmen and bridesmaids. This is sometimes a solution when you need more ushers to direct the guests to their seats, but don't want to have twice as many groomsmen as bridesmaids.
What roles can people who are not attendants play?
There are many possibilities for roles for people who are important to you or want to help, but who you have not selected as attendants for one reason or another.Responsibilities can include, reading or performing musically during the ceremony, guest book attendant, responsibility for gift table and responsibility for disposable cameras.
Wedding Attire
What are my options for an inexpensive wedding dress?
You could choose to wear a dress previously worn by someone in your family such as your mother or grandmother. You could also wear a friend's dress.
Another option is to buy a used dress at a consignment shop or through an advertisement in the newspaper. In some cities, there are even consignment shops that specialize in bridal gowns.
Making your own dress, if you are an experienced sewer, can allow you to have a dress that would have been much more expensive if you'd bought it commercially, and will probably fit better and be better made than many commercial gowns.
Should the groom wear something different from the groomsmen?
Not generally, since the type of suit worn by men is dictated by formality. Of course, just because the type of suit is usually going to be the same, doesn't mean that there can't be individual variation in components of the outfit.
Do the bridesmaids all have to wear the same dress?
No. It is perfectly acceptable to have them wear different dresses in the same fabric, or dresses in coordinating colors. Some brides choose to have the bridesmaids each wear a dress in a different jewel or autumn color, for example. Bridesmaids should all wear dresses with approximately the same degree of formality.
Invitations
What is the most proper way to have my invitations done?
The two most proper and formal kinds of invitations are hand-written or engraved invitations, done on paper that is either plain or has a simple panel.
Is it OK to send invitations to someone "and Guest"?
It can cause a lot of confusion to use "and Guest". It is better to find out whether or not each guest has been dating someone they would like to bring, and invite that person specifically. Otherwise, single guests may feel obligated to find someone to bring.
Photography and Video
Do I have to hire a professional photographer?
This is a personal decision. There are, of course, pros and cons of hiring a professional photographer. Cons are the cost and accessbility of negatives - some photographers require a fee before releasing the negative. Pros are skills and experience and likelihood of getting good pictures.
Should I have disposable cameras on the tables?
Disposable cameras can be a fun way for your guests to amuse themselves, and you may get some memorable photos out of them. You should appoint someone, such as a friend or relative who has asked if there's anything they can do to help, to collect the cameras at the end.
Should I have a wedding video made?
This is again a personal decision. Some people really enjoy having a video of their wedding. Others find it sits on a shelf and collects dust. Only you can decide which group you fall into.
Should I hire a professional videographer?
Obviously, you will get much better results if you hire a competent professional than if you have Aunt Susan bring her camcorder. However, that doesn't mean you necessarily need to hire a professional. You should consider: 1)How important the video is to you; 2) Whether or not home video quality is acceptable to you; 3) What budgetary trade-offs you will have to make in order to have professional video.
Service Professionals
Do service professionals need to be fed
If your wedding is taking place over a meal time, and you are feeding your guests, you should make sure there is some arrangement for your service professionals to eat, also. That means people like the photographer, videographer, band, etc.
How should you deal with this? There are several options. Some people have a table among the guests where the service professionals eat as though they were guests. Others have the caterer provide a simple meal for the service professionals that they eat elsewhere.
Showers
Who can host a shower?
Anyone who isn't the mother or sister of the bride. Because the point of a shower is to "shower" the bride with gifts, it is inappropriate for a very close relative to host it. The bridesmaids often host a shower. It is important, when inviting people to a shower, to make sure only to invite people who are also going to be invited to the wedding.
If the people at work give me a shower, do I have to invite them to the wedding?
No. A work-related shower can be given by people and have guests who are not invited to the wedding. The same would be true of a shower given by members of a club the bride belongs to and other similar "special group" showers.
What are some possible shower themes?
There are any number of possible shower themes. Some examples are a recipe shower, a lingerie shower, a kitchen shower, an "around the clock" shower (where each guest is told to bring a gift that could be used at a specific time of day), a bath shower, and a hardware shower.
The Rehearsal Dinner
What kind of rehearsal dinner is acceptable?
You can have anything ranging from pizza or a barbeque at someone's house all the way up to a fancy dinner at a nice restaurant where everyone gets to choose anything they want from the menu. Which you choose depends on your personality and your budget.
Who is invited to the rehearsal dinner?
Usually only those persons involved in the rehearsal and their spouses or partners. Many people are now choosing to invite also those out-of-town guests who have arrived by that time.
Who hosts the rehearsal dinner?
Traditionally, this is the responsibility of the groom's family.
Registering For Gifts
Should I register for gifts?
Most couples do register for gifts, if only to let prospective gift-givers know what patterns of china, silver, crystal, and stainless they've selected.
Registering for gifts allows couples to let people know what kinds of gifts they would like to receive. Registering for gifts also allows you to have a better chance of not receiving duplicate gifts, because a well-run registry will keep track of what gifts have already been purchased. You can also call the store where you have registered when you receive gifts purchased elsewhere, and they will update their lists to reflect that you've received these items.
What should I register for?
You can register for almost anything. Most people register for china, silver, crystal, and stainless, because it is traditional to receive a set of these things as wedding gifts. It is a good idea to register for gifts in a variety of price ranges, so all guests will be able to find something they like and can afford.
Officiants
Who can perform a wedding?
This varies from place to place. In some countries, you must be legally married by the state before you may be married in your church; in the US, you can be married in your church without needing a separate legal wedding. If you don't want to be married in a church, you can get a minister to marry you elsewhere, you can be married at the courthouse, or you can hire whoever would marry you at the courthouse to come marry you elsewhere. It may also be possible to obtain a marriage certificate that does not need to be signed by an officiant.